I've Been Captured
by Asshu-chan
Summary: I've been captured by an un-known person thing. Read to find out what will happen to me and please...help!
1. Chapter 1

**Video Transmission**

Hey every body! I just wanted to let you know that since almost everyone has captured members of the Flock, I decided to twist things up a little. Ok right now I am being held here by-

**Jeb appears on screen**

Jeb- Why hello, readers. There is nothing and I mean, absolutely NOTHING to be suspicious about with the little transmission Max+Fang just sent so to keep things inconspicuous,

I HAVE NOT CAPTURED HER AND I AM NOT PLANNING ON TURNING HER INTO A MUTANT BIRD KID FOR MY OWN NOVARIOUS AND TWISTED UP PURPOSES OF ENJOYMENT THAT I SOME HOW HAVE OVER THE FACT THAT I LIKE TO REARRANGE HUMAN DNA WITH BIRD DNA!

And with that said I hope you found nothing suspicious or I coma after you too…..

**evil laugh** MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-ahem.

Bye!

**Jeb-…What the fu-**

**Me- JEB! LANGUAGE! TRYING TO KEEP THIS T RATED!**

**Jeb- Yeah, yeah. Anywho, what the hell was up with that video message?**

**Me- You will find out soon enough Jeb. But it has to do with you, Bacon, me, and some very eventful plot twists and random character popping ups. **

**Jeb- Oh, God. Please don't tell me we're-**

**Me- EWWWWWW! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD! GET YOUR MID OUT OF THE FREAKING GUTTER JEB! EWWWWW WHY THE HELL WOULD U THINK I'D DO THAT WITH A CREEPY OLD DUDE WITH A VERY OUT DATED MUSTACHE LIKE YOU! EWWWWWWWW**

**Jeb- …I was going to say make breakfast at Wendy's**

**Me-…oh. So to save myself from further embaressment, I shall now shut up. But first, I think Jeb's outdated mustache should have a name.**

**Jeb- Why me… (rubs mustache consciously)**

**Me- Oh yes….I GOT IT! HIS/HER NAMESHALL BE-**

**(A very happy and cheesy theme song plays with huggable gummy bears and tangelos begin dancing on the screen)**

**Bears & Tangelos- Stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Me- Well, being the very bored person that I am, I have decided for me to be captured by Jeb. Anywho, on with this ridiculous and I-have-no-purpose-in-life story…**

**;AN(THIS IS MY LINE)**

Me- **walking down the streets for no apparent reason**

**A purple van with unicorns and gum drops pull over and Bacon Erasers pop out and capture and gag Me**

Jeb-! HA! Well, now I may begin my sick and twisted ways! HA!

Me- unghm snkans mlkjshw

Jeb- Shut her up!

**Bacon Eraser kicks My head**

Me- **mumbles** ouch…

**Jeb drives off towards the School**

MDKLSFLKNAFKLSNLFMA;KFM;ALMF;LAMF;MFALMF;KMA;LFN;ALFN;

**Jeb is working on My back and doing scientifical things to it**  
Jeb- Aaaaaand….Done! Perfecto! Oh I am a genius! Boo ya! **starts happy dancing**

LADNLNFLKANFKCNFAKL(5 hours Later)JNFLNALDKFNLAKNFLKENF

Me- Unghhhhhhh

**Looks at back because it's stiff and hurts like burning hell**

Me- Holy crap! I have freaking wings!

**looks around**

Me- Holy crap! I'm at the school in a freaking dog cage!

**stretches out wings**

Me- Though they hurt like the burning bowels of hell, they're pretty freaking Awesome!

**Examines mocking bird wings that are chocolate brown with black, beige, and ivory speckles**

Me- Oh wait, I'm supposed to be panicking right now. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LET ME THE F&^K OUT NOW!

Jeb- **poofs in somehow** Nuh uh uuh! I can't do that. You are now my lab rat and I shall make you run evasive and unimportant tests like the psychopath I am! HAHA!

Me- **stares at Jeb** You and Stevie seriously need a life

Jeb- Who the hell is Stevie?

Me- Your outdated mustache you dumble fluzzle!

Jeb- Dumble fluzzle?

Me- Yes, dumble fluzzle! Now shut up before I crush you with my new and awesomely awesome bird kid strength! HULK LIKE POWERS, ACTIVATE!

**nothing happens**

Me- Son of a lemon! This sucks!

Jeb- You can say that again….for you! OOOOOOH U JUST GOT PWNED! YEA! SUCK IT!

Me- Shut the f%*k up, Jeb

Jeb- Make me, helpless bird kid who's probably trapped for life

Me- I have school! What the hell am I going to do now?  
Jeb- I have no f*%king clue, so figure it out yourself, lame-o. You see! I can be hip and down like all you youngsters!

Me- That was no where NEAR "hip" or "down" you outdated SON OF A B-

Jeb- LANGUAGE MISSY! **Pulls out stun gun and shocks Me with it**

Me- AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Haha! Luv that scream! Moving on)

Jeb- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SUCK IT BITCH! HA!  
Me- AIEEEEEE! BASTARD! **falls unconscious**

**Screen turns black and Gummy Bear and Tangelos appear with their friend Paul the Orangutan**

Gummy Bears, Tangelos, and Paul- Once again stay tuned!

**Jeb- Ha! I enjoyed that more than I expected!**

**Me- ya, well don't get used to it. Just wait 'til next chapter!**

**Jeb- (grumbles) ya ya**

**Me- Anywho if you want me to be saved and write more stories, review! Even if you don't want me to be saved and give Jeb the pleasure of stealing all of your Bacon in the middle of the night, I suggest you review! Btw, I forgot. **

**Disclaimer: I am not an old dude like **_**some**_** people (cough cough-Jeb-cough) and I don't (no matter how much I pray) own Maximum Ride. IT'S JUST SO SAD! (bursts into hysterical crying) And even if I was JP, why the hell would I be writing this crap?**

**Jeb- 'cause you're a psychopath who has no reason in life except for writing shit like this…**

**Me-…Jeb, look into your pocket…..**

**Jeb- what why? (looks into pocket) HOLY SHIT MY STUN GUN IS GONE!**

**Me- (pulls out stun gun) MWAHAHAHAHA! LOOK WHO GETS TO TURN YOU INTO AN EXTRA CRISPY JEBSICLE NOW!**

**(runs off chasing Jeb who is screaming his head off like the little pansy he is)**

**Me- Review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Me- Welcome you readers!**

**Jeb- Yay I get to torture Max+Fang in this story!**

**Me- (pulls out stun gun)**

**Jeb- Uh, I mean, uh, REVIEW LIKE THERE AINT NO TOMORROW! Happy?**

**Me- Very. Anywho, read on!**

**LALDNFLKNAK;EFNLKANELKFNLKAEN(THIS IS MY SHITTY LINE)D**

Me- unghhhhhh. My head hurts you son of a banana!

Jeb- what crap are you talking about now, bitch?

Me- well, I think you and Stevie fried a few of my brain cells

Jeb- STOP NAMING MY MUSTACHE!

Me- Stop it! You're upsetting Stevie and Janets!  
Jeb- Who the f&*k are Janets?

Me- Your eyebrows! Duh!

Jeb- You're even stupider that I though

Me- I don't think "stupider" is a word

Jeb- Well spell check says "ya" it is so it must be

Spell Check- Ya

Jeb- See?

**Nudge randomly appears**

Me- Hey Nudge! Whatchya doing here?

Nudge- OMG! HI MAX+FANG! OH WOW! YOU HAVE WINGS LIKE US! THAT'S SOOOOOOOOOOO COOLIOS! WE CAN, LIKE, GO SHOPPING AND KICK BACON ERASER ASS TOGETHER AND EAT POUNDS OF FOOD TOGETHER AND TALK AND TALK AND !

Jeb- SHUT THE F&*K UP ALREADY YOU STUPID LAB EXPIREMENT!

**Me and Nudge gasp**

Nudge- Jeb you meanie! WAAAAA! **runs off crying**

Me- Great, you jackass! You just hurt Nudge's feelings!

Jeb- Like I give a shit about that thing's feelings!

Me- you are one cruel bastard. NOW LET ME OUT!

Jeb-Ahhhhhhhhhh no

Me- Bastard.

Jeb-Ya well suck it! My childhood was just as bad! My dad left me and my mom never paid attention to me and-(rambles with sob story)

Me- WTF? You just gave me freaking wings dude! And now you're telling me your life was worse?

Jeb- Ya!

Me- I think we have found a breakthrough. Now come on, off to therapy with you…

Jeb- Bitch! No way in hell am I going to therapy! I'll just get over my pathetic and sappy life by hurting you and myself! **crawls in emo corner and starts repeatedly slicing wrist like there's no point in life**

Me-….wow….

**Bacon Eraser walks in**

Me- What the… who the hell are you?

B.E- My name's Joseph Hardley Andrew Paulie Antonio Edward Luke Nicholas Christopher Hamilton Noah Matthew Cameron Spencer Patrick Mike Charles Richard Thomas Billy-Bob Novescata… THE 3RD!

Or JHAPAELNCHNMCSPMCRTBBN-3. But I like to be known as Bacon Eraser

Me-…What the hell were your parents thinking?

B.E- I know right! Hey, why's Jeb sitting in that very depressing looking corner slicing his wrist and writing dark poetry?

**Jeb's mumbling to self and somehow got into black clothes and is writing dark poetry and slicing wrist simultaneously-AT THE SAME TIME**

Me- I dunno, he told me his life story and then suddenly turned emo.

B.E- Oh…..well alright then!

Me- He B.E, can you let me outta here?

B.E- Sure! You're my bestest friend!

Me- ya ya just let me out already.

**B.E unlocks my dog crate**

Me- WOOHOO! YA! SWEET _SWEET _FREEDOM!

B.E- You're not going to leave, right?

Me- Pfffffft, duh. Or else there would be no point in me continuing this.

B.E- But there still is no point in you continuing this

Me- Oh right. Well, now I guess I'll make myself a character who I'll fall in love with unintentionally!

B.E- Ok

**Makes a HOT guy with dark hair and light eyes appear**

Me- AIEEEEE! HOTNESS!

B.E- What should be call him?

Me- Hmmmmmm I'll call him…..Day And Night (aka D.A.N) Or Dane!

Ya I like that!

Dane- 'Sup

Me- Nothin' much. Hey do you have wings?

Dane- Ya, why?

Me- Me too! Now we can fly around!

Dane- Sweetnessess

Me- Ya got that right!

B.E- What has she gotten herself into?

**AJKNFLSNLK(AGAIN WITH THE SHITTY LINE!)NJKSNVKJSNDKJSNKJ**

**Me- So, that was random**

**Jeb- You can say that again (is hiding)  
Me- Jeb, what are you doing?**

**Jeb- (looks up with innocent eyes) nooooooothiiiiiiiiiiiiiing**

**Me- Ya right. (flips over Jeb's wrist)**

**Me- Are you engraving my name into your wrist?**

**Jeb- NOOOOOO!**

**Me- stop lying Jeb and just admit it…..you looooooooooove meeee! This much!**

**Jeb- (blushes) YOU STOLE THAT FROM FANG!**

**Me- so who cares? He's so yumaliscious it's hard not to copy him!**

**So to save Jeb from further embarrassment, review! Or if you want him to be verbally abused even more review! **

**I don't care either way JUST PRESS THE ANGELIC BUTTON THAT IS GLOWING AND CHOIR MUSIC IS PLAYING!**

**Jeb- Ya so, review? **

**Me- HE STILL LOVES ME!**

**Jeb- I DO NOT! (is blushing)**


End file.
